Anxiety.

I know so far my blog has been sweet and upbeat, maybe even inspiring to some. Well here comes the real, the raw, and the truth….

Anxiety. The looming word that no one really wants to speak about. I would go out on a limb and say that most people deal with anxiety to some degree, but just choose not to talk about it. For me, I’ve never really dealt with it until here recently. I was always the person who could handle all the things and never seem to get stressed about any of it. A typical day for me is having my plate so loaded that I’m running through myself to get it all done. These days, no different, but my plate just seems to be made out of styrofoam. And I know some may think “She’s 25! She doesn’t know what stress is!” “Just wait till you have kids and then let me know!” And all while that may be true, I’m not in that stage in my life, and that’s okay! Everyone is different! We all have different career paths, different titles, dreams, goals, needs. And that’s okay! Not everyone needs to be a Mother of four, who works 40 hours a week, who also cleans her 4000 square foot house on her own. If that is you, then go Sis! But that’s not everyone, and that’s okay.

For me, my stage in life is deciding what I want to be when I grow up. Worrying about getting all the things checked off the list so I can marry my sweetheart in less than 90 days. It’s starting to budget for my future family and realizing that “Treat yo Self!” cannot be my motto anymore. And here lately I’ve fell prisoner to those thoughts and worries. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck inside my own body and I just can’t seem to get out. And of all things, I’ve started losing my hair! My hair! Less than 90 days before my wedding! I also worry daily about Kyle getting hurt riding horses or doctoring cattle at work by himself. I shoot him a panic text message every time I hear an ambulance go through our little town just to check on him. Here lately our minds have been on the 2nd cutting of hay, getting it cut, raked and baled. Moving it to our farms so we can feed it all winter. All in hopes that we have enough. But also feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt, because other farm families are having to sell out due to that same issue.

So if this is you, no matter what stage in life, just know you’re not alone. I’m right here with you, being held hostage by the same emotions. My future sister in law, Kelsi and I have this conversation a lot, her worries are different than mine, but we seem to have a lot of the same feelings. Find you someone who will truly listen to you and pray for you! Find you a Kelsi. (But you just can’t have mine.) And just know that even though people don’t outwardly talk about things, doesn’t mean they’re not right there with you! Go be that awesome farm wife, farm momma, boss lady, or whatever it is you may be. But always remember you are not alone!

-A Cowman’s Wife ❤️